Crossroads
I have reached a point in my life where something must be done. I am 45 years old and approximately 380lbs. So far I’ve been lucky. I do not have any major health problems other than slightly high blood pressure. To those of my friends who do not know my recent history, let me recap. About 5 years ago, I began a new phase in my life. I took my weight loss seriously and attacked it on all fronts, head on. I attacked my weight problem with Weight Watchers, Hypnotherapy, a 12 week health program that introduced me to serious exercise for the first time in my life and the wonderful support of my friends and family. Over the next 2 and half years I lost a total of 116 lbs. It was amazing; I had achieved something that I never thought I could have. I had persisted and overcame a challenge I could never image myself conquering.
I kept the weight off for over a year, but it never got any easier and I knew it never would. I was exercising 5-7 times per week, but never learned to enjoy a second of it. I was struggling to keep my weight off and that struggle was wearing me and my family down. At my yearly check up with the folks at my 12 week wellness program, the dietitian suggested a Lap Band procedure. The Lap band procedure for those who do not know is a weight loss procedure designed to limit the amount of food you can eat. I was not ready to face surgery and I was not ready to face the fact I was slowly losing my weight loss battle, inch by inch, pound by pound.
Today, almost 3 years after my last meeting with the wellness program, I have gained my weight back. I don’t know if I have the strength to face the weight loss battle again. I’ve have told people in the past, that I imagine it is like a marathon, except that you can never stop running. I know that I’ll need help, and not for the first time I find myself contemplating weight loss surgery again. I’m talking to surgeons, I researching surgeries and calculating costs. This is the most serious and closest I’ve ever gotten to having surgery.
I’m not afraid to say that I’m scared. I’m not sure it’s the right thing for me or my family. The more and more I think it is the right thing to do, the more and more uncertain I feel. I worry about surgery; I’ve never had surgery for anything. I worry about learning to eat again. I worry about the effects this decision will have on those who love me most and I worry about the future.
Stay tuned…
Jim –
I understand your worries about surgery. I wish you strength as you move through this decision making process.
Mary