Quotes

I went looking for the ‘now’ the other day. Instead, I found this ‘thing’, bisected by memories from the past, transversed by dreams for the future and muddled by my hopes and fears.

– Jim Lapine

6 Weeks

Well it has been six weeks since I seen Dr. Benedetto. He wanted to see how I did losing weight on my own. So over the last six weeks, I began watching what I ate and exercising more than I had in many years.

That was for the first 3 weeks, than as those close to me and my family know, the next 3 weeks after that were chaos. Incredibly stressful and busy. Needless to say it was not the optimal environment for weight loss.

I was not looking forward to seeing the doctor and honestly, I was thinking surgery was a really, really bad idea.

So, how did I do? Well I was down almost 10lbs. The doctor impressed, but still feels gastric bypass is my best option.

I had had a really difficult time getting hold of the Doctor who does the mental heath evaluation, so doctor Benedetto’s office is going to help me set up those appointments.

I’m also very concerned about my insurance coverage. My Aetna plan has a $10,000 max for gastric bypass, which has me very concerned. Well, the doctor’s office is going make those calls and help me figure out, just what that means.

So, I’ve got 6 more weeks to lose weight and I’m hoping to impress the doctor enough that he will reconsider the Lap band.

So for now, stay tuned.

Crossroads

I have reached a point in my life where something must be done. I am 45 years old and approximately 380lbs. So far I’ve been lucky. I do not have any major health problems other than slightly high blood pressure. To those of my friends who do not know my recent history, let me recap. About 5 years ago, I began a new phase in my life. I took my weight loss seriously and attacked it on all fronts, head on. I attacked my weight problem with Weight Watchers, Hypnotherapy, a 12 week health program that introduced me to serious exercise for the first time in my life and the wonderful support of my friends and family. Over the next 2 and half years I lost a total of 116 lbs. It was amazing; I had achieved something that I never thought I could have. I had persisted and overcame a challenge I could never image myself conquering.

I kept the weight off for over a year, but it never got any easier and I knew it never would. I was exercising 5-7 times per week, but never learned to enjoy a second of it. I was struggling to keep my weight off and that struggle was wearing me and my family down. At my yearly check up with the folks at my 12 week wellness program, the dietitian suggested a Lap Band procedure. The Lap band procedure for those who do not know is a weight loss procedure designed to limit the amount of food you can eat. I was not ready to face surgery and I was not ready to face the fact I was slowly losing my weight loss battle, inch by inch, pound by pound.

Today, almost 3 years after my last meeting with the wellness program, I have gained my weight back. I don’t know if I have the strength to face the weight loss battle again. I’ve have told people in the past, that I imagine it is like a marathon, except that you can never stop running. I know that I’ll need help, and not for the first time I find myself contemplating weight loss surgery again. I’m talking to surgeons, I researching surgeries and calculating costs. This is the most serious and closest I’ve ever gotten to having surgery.

I’m not afraid to say that I’m scared. I’m not sure it’s the right thing for me or my family. The more and more I think it is the right thing to do, the more and more uncertain I feel. I worry about surgery; I’ve never had surgery for anything. I worry about learning to eat again. I worry about the effects this decision will have on those who love me most and I worry about the future.

Stay tuned…

Quotes by Me.

Contemplation is a tool. One may wield it as one wields an axe.

Someone once said, that we live in a world of illusion. It’ not true, there is no world, there is no illusion.

Better to be a skeptic, than a fool

My Quotes, I think they are great. What about you?

Mists of Avalon: (B+)

The Mists of Avalon is a beautiful, mesmerizing tale. The story which is a retelling of the King Arthur legend from the point of the view of the women involved, specifically the pagan priestesses of Avalon as they conspire to bring Arthur to the throne and unite Britain against the raiding Saxons.

The story told is one of love, lust, hatred. Arthur’s love for Lancelet (Lancelot). Gwenhwyfar’s (Guinevere) hatred of Morgaine (Morgan le Fay), and Lancelet’s lust for Gwenhwyfar. The stories backdrop is a time in history when the Saxon’s are raiding and sacking the disjointed kingdoms of Briton and Christianity is relentlessly purging the Pagan beliefs of the British.

The priestesses of Avalon conspire to unite Briton under a prophesied King who can rule over both the new Christian’s of Briton and the people of the old faith. The people of the old faith desire a King who will fly the dragon banner of old and wield the Druid sword of power Excalibur, and the Christians desire a man who honor’s their one God and holds true to their virtues of faith, honor and justice. Viviane the Lady of the Lake and the Merlin of Briton use their considerable power and influence to bring Arthur to the throne as the King of all Briton when he swears to be true and deal fairly with the Pagans and carry only the banner of the dragon into battle.

The book is wonderful, almost poetic is areas and a real sadness and gloom overshadows the entire book as Avalon fades further into the mists. The story asks, at what price do we pursue what we love above all else? To what depths will we sink to protect what we love? Who can one trust? What can one believe when everything you fought for is lost?

The book will leave the reader with many questions and many unresolved emotions. The book while long is worth every moment spent delving into the mists.